I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
