I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
