I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
