i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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