things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
