i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
