we were pretty classy up until the second keg
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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