Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it hurts more in the daytime
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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