Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
