You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize