I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
