why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
