We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
