If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize