Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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