Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
