I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
