I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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