brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
