Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
