i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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