hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
