This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
