with your own penis?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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