Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
