and next time when you feel me up, do it right
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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