she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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