I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
