Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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