you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
