Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Maybe he injected his testicle?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just gargled with NyQuil
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
