true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The best revenge is premature balding
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize