I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
