well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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