you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
