i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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