The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
