what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
