i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
