he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
