I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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