trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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