If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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