If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
