i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No subtext here. People are naked.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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