I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
