I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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