were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
