He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
