What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
