I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
