a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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