I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
