note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
