dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
