Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
