This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize