I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
