Swine flu. Run for my life!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
