This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
