Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
