my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
