Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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