i will never coherently bang her
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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