saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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