i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
