soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
