She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Non-Jews are for practice
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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