she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
